Hidely-hodely, everyone! As you might imagine, the size and variety of the gift inventory at the North Pole puts Wal-Mart to shame. And while we’ve been at this for hundreds of years, we still make too many of some things and not enough of others. No elf can forget the
Tag: holiday characters
As a proud father of three young children, Father’s Day is very special to me. I pulled together some data about the holiday for a fun blog post, but with three kids it’s difficult to find time to write. Evenings end with me and my wife collapsed on the couch
Happy Earth Day, earthlings! As an outsider observing your planet, with absolutely no nefarious intentions whatsoever, I have to say you have a pretty good thing going there. I was sent by the leading…scientists on my planet, Kahnquur-7, to learn more about Earth, its dominant life form (yay, humans!), its
Tax fraud…5-7 years in prison. I thought I had it all figured out. The government wades through millions of returns and tries to issue refunds quickly. Sure, I filed over a thousand for my clients, but that’s just a blip on their radar. I never thought I’d get caught. But
Look, I’ve been at this game a long time. I set Cleopatra and Marc Antony on a path to ruin. I set J-Lo and Marc Anthony on a path to eternal happiness … until they bought a stake in the Miami Dolphins. No one escapes that dumpster fire unscathed. My
Well, this is a kick to the giblets. I assumed when I was summoned to the White House it was in recognition of my tireless advocacy for turkey rights. I wasn’t expecting a press conference in the rose garden or anything, just a meet and greet with the prez and
Greetings, insignificant souls. You may call me … Gregor Castamere. It is not my true name. I stalked this strip of land when it was called New Amsterdam. My family’s name is well known. I have lived for more than 600 years, concealing my terrible secret. I am a vampire.