The last time I wrote a blog about teen dating, I shared that my colleague, Lisa Allred, and I were learning new terms from the teens in our lives. One was “ship”. Of course, the funny part was that although Lisa got the concept correct, she mis-remembered the actual term. She thought the term was “boat” not “ship”. According to Lisa, her daughter told her that when you endorse a romantic relationship between a friend and someone s/he likes, you “ship” them…as in “relationship”. 🙂 We still chuckle over that one, but it reminds us that we are no longer in-the-know and that leaves us feeling uneasy.
One area we all have a hard time keeping up with is the dating scene among adolescents. It’s fine to talk about dating in the abstract, but when it hits closer to home, our anxieties begin to emerge. Our job as parents is to manage our anxiety and clarify our values/expectations as we guide our emerging adults in a way that prepares them to become relationally healthy adults.
One key area of expectation that we need to address with both our sons and daughters is consent. I think a video that most succinctly addresses this in a playful way that actually drives home the point is the YouTube video, “Tea and Consent” . A good definition is found on this same website: “Sexual consent is where a person has the ability and freedom to agree to sexual activity. It is vital the person seeking and instigating sex makes sure their partner is participating freely and readily. To have sex without consent is to commit rape.”
Since I last posted on this topic, we have all heard many news stories where this principle has been violated…particularly on college campuses. If your son or daughter is college-bound (or even if they are not), you need to make sure they are prepared to act responsibly in this regard. Your silence on this topic will not lead to the outcome you imagine: a relationally healthy and responsible young adult.
Don’t fool yourselves. Your teens are getting messages on this subject…from the media, from the internet, from their friends. But are they hearing from you? I’d encourage you to watch this short 3-minute video together and have a conversation!